frowns

i love my tutor for being not prejudiced nor angry with me for performing way below par for my biopharm class test. im not talking about making 5 mistakes and making a hooha out of it like some people do.

thank god he didnt give me the lecture on how-sponsored-students-are-supposed-to-maintain-good-academicrecords
-throughout-all-the-semesters. thanks for being understanding. i was already close to tears.

i must say that my consistency depends alot on 50% luck and 50% memory. on that fateful morning of exam, my amethyst bracelet broke, mr. cockroach said hi to me and my stomach was churning from food poisoning. i felt jinxed the whole day. yes, im superstitious. but i went on and faced the paper with a smile cos i filled my mind with thoughts of going home the next day. but still feel a tinge of jinx nevertheless. it didnt go away. so it was 10%luck left and prolly 35% memory. that totally didnt help.

i tried to be optimistic. ive not seen good results in a while. im afraid that the happiness i had from better results in the past would not be enough to sustain me emotionally if things are still going downhill.

i keep telling myself to buck up, study hard if not HARDER. a fren told me she feels worthless cos she feels like shes the weakest academically among some of her peers. i gave her the do-not-compare-yourself-to-others-cos-u-are-perfect-in-your-own-ways speech to console her but i was actually trying to comfort myself?

i duno man. didnt mean to be emo. just a class test anyways. just that the amount of effort i put in was not justified. you dont normally get to reap what u sow do you?

home for study break??

the thought of the impending stretch of long study break never fail to depress me. should i go home for the whole 2 1/2 weeks or not?

pros:

• dont have to worry about meals

• i dont go online so often

• no homesickness
• have my sister to slave around for me :P

cons:

• tv-major distraction
• im afraid that i wont be able to adapt studying in a diff place..im not one of those who can study anywhere at anytime :(
• i'll be the only one studying at home

im so homesick its depressing if im required to write about depression on monday i can definitely write few pages long on a real case scenario.